It doesn’t matter what type of partnership you’re in; you should ask relationship questions regularly to keep your lines of communication open and healthy. From business partnerships to personal connections, there will always be obstacles that you will need to conquer together. There is a reason you chose your person as a partner, but do you ever take the time to remember what that reason is?
In this video conversation, Beth Hanishewski, the swiss-army knife of coaching, and David T. S. Wood share some powerful questions you should ask yourself and your partner. Beth and David are both experts in the field of relationship repair, and they aren’t afraid to get real about the root of the issue. If you’re ready to move your relationships to the next level and transform your partnerships for the better, this episode is a must-see!
You will want to hear this episode if you are interested in…
- Transforming your relationship
- Figuring out where your relationship is on a scale of 10–0
- Understanding what the rating you assigned to your relationship means
- Taking action today to work on getting your partnership to a 10
- Remembering WHY you chose that person as a partner
- Two powerful questions you can ask to generate meaningful, open communication
How to rate your relationship on a scale of 10–0
As a seasoned relationship expert, Beth always challenges her clients to take a moment to rate the relationship in question on a scale of 10–0.
- 10 means that your relationship couldn’t get any better
- 0 means that it couldn’t get any worse
Take a moment to choose a number for your relationship before you read on.
If you chose 10–9–8…
You’re happy, for the most part.
You have some bad moments, but they don’t have a lasting impact.
You may experience a temporary loss of connection, intimacy, or in how you speak to each other.
If you fight or argue, it doesn’t even occur to you that you will leave the partnership.
No REAL threats to the relationship.
If you scored 7–6…
You may find yourself saying, “I love them… BUT…”.
There is one big reason or “but” that you’re struggling to move past.
Most of your issues have been resolved, except that “but”.
If you rated your partnership a 5–4…
You WANT better your situation.
The relationship is threatened, and you’re considering leaving.
You may have been contemplating leaving for a while.
There isn’t just one issue, but several that you’re concerned about.
But if you rated your relationship a 3–2–1–0…
This area is the most dangerous.
You may have completely given up on your relationship already.
You may not even care to put in the work to fix your situation.
What can you do to start building your score?
Both Beth and David agree that it’s best to work on getting your relationship to a 10 before making any drastic decisions on your partnership. While you can start to do the work on your own, it’s best to include your partner by inviting them to be part of your process. Calmly and respectfully open the conversation to see if there is something you can both agree to do for 30-days. If they don’t agree, commit to making the change yourself. Chances are, your partner will see a drastic change in you, which could allow you to approach the subject again in the future.
Remind yourself why you love that person, and why you chose them in the first place rather than focusing on the issue. Try to notice the little things you appreciate about them, instead of the things they do that bother you. Taking these steps to change your mindset will help you close the gap to reach that perfect 10.
The two most important relationship questions you can ask
Beth mentions two easy relationship questions that you can ask today to start generating a conversation with your partner. Even if you aren’t sure where the issue is, this can gauge what areas your partner may see problems:
- What do I do that pushes you away?
- What do I do that pulls you closer?
Did you notice the focus of these questions? These allow your partner to share some things that THEY need from YOU, rather than opening up the conversation with things YOU need from THEM. This gentle opening can make even the most apprehensive partners feel open to sharing with you. Plus, chances are, once they’ve answered your questions, they will probably ask the same of you!
Whoever it is that you choose to do this work with, you chose them for a reason. Even if it’s someone you decide to part with, David suggests that you should do your best to only say positive things about them to people you both know. If you’re able to do this, you may be able to end your relationship on good terms and continue having a positive relationship with them for years to come.
Connect with Beth Hanishewski
- Beth Hanishewski’s Website: http://www.mindsetcoaching.com/
- Beth on Instagram: @mindsetcoaching
- Follow Beth on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/mindsetcoaching
- Follow Beth on Twitter: @BethHanishewski